i feel very very lousy these days, i think i bite. this evil want in me to vent all these pent-up frustration at someone or something seems like a delicious option. but i hesitate cause i know its only gonna make me cry.
i feel like everyone is taking me for granted. i'm frustrated at my ineptitude to change things. just yesterday, i realised from my cousin how my mom and sis were bitchin about me endlessly while i was away from town. i don't know why, it hardly came as a surprise to me, but i cried while in the bathroom, and walked out perfectly composed as if nothing mattered.
my cousins came to stay for the weekend, and as if no prior discussion was required, i had to let out my room and sleep on the floor in my sister's room. i don't even mind it, just at least appreciate that i'm compromisin to make everyone happier. i know my mom loves playing a good host, i don't even mind gettin aches in the morning just to make her happy, but it doesn't earn me anything, she never favours me nor talks to me cordially. i'm agreeable cause i want everyone to be happy, why does everyone take me for granted?
i want to tell him so many things, but i have forgotten how to do it, its been such a long time. i wished i had someone to share this shady side of myself with, but i don't know how to start cause there is so many parts of me i'm so afraid of people seeing. i wait hoping he could find the time to talk, hoping the times would return, but i wait till i wither inside, wonderin when will it be my turn, wonderin why's he always blissfully oblivious. i wait cause i want his time, but why does it lead to more waiting, why does he take me for granted too?
i wish i could just disappear.